I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
