but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
