Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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