If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
