I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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