After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
