I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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