i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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