I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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