There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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