I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
