Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
