After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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