The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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