After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
