Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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