i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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