I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
