Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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