He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
