when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
