I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
