So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
