Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
