Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you made out with another girl for some wings
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
