More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
