walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
