I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
two words: eviction party
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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