oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
