i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
