Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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