I just saw a hot homeless man
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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