We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
