Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
