Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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