She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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