Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
