did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
