Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
