that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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