you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
