i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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