I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
