question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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