i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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