she was so not down for the gang bang
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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