end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
