So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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