she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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