Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
