People in love make me want to vomit
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
