Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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